The 2008 Least Funny and Sexy Movies of the Year

Though I managed to avoid a lot of the crap, I couldn't sidestep it all. 2008 was rife with movie dung. Pretty much the first nine months of the year was a veritable wasteland of doody with a few golden nuggets thrown in for good measure. End the poop imagery.

In no real order, here are the worst of the worst:

Harold and Kumar Escape from Gitmo. I really liked the White Castle version of this movie. I LUUUURVE me some NPH. Alas, I knew I was in trouble when the first two minutes of the movie included both fecal and wang cider humor. Didn't that stop being funny around Van Wilder time?

The Love Guru. Mike Meyers has not come up with a new joke since 2001. It's almost a little bit sad to see what he's become, but it's really more about the Shadenfreude.

Tropic Thunder. I realize I may be in the minority on this one, but I thought this movie was an incredibly stale caricature of the film industry. I had very high hopes for this movie, but I thought almost every "insight" revealed about Hollywood could've been made by any casual observer of popular culture or watcher of Entourage. Even Robert Downey, Jr. was a tad disappointing. Tom Cruise's performance has been way overrated. A fat suit and bald cap do not equal funny. The only funny parts? The faux film previews and the full retard conversation. Otherwise? Blah.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. George Lucas, you are wearing no clothes. This movie was one of the most disappointing of the year. Horrible title? Check. A crystal skull constructed from last year's Christmas and Halloween decorations from Michaels? Check. Bored, over-the-hill Harrison Ford? Check. A bizarre performance by one of the most talented actresses in the world? Check. ALIENS!?!? Check.

Australia. Nicole Kidman should just enjoy her time in Tennessee and stop making movies. Hugh Jackman had nothing to work with. And my sweet Baz, what happened to you? This movie almost makes Pearl Harbor look like Gone With the Wind.

Other films that sucked, but really had no hope of not sucking: What Happens in Vegas, Fool's Gold

Decent Ideas that Fell Very, Very Short: Vantage Point and The Bucket List

Movies That Should've Sucked, But Didn't: Don't Mess With the Zohan; 27 Dresses; Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins

Worst Movie Going Experience: Run, Fat Boy, Run where someone behind me kept coughing up a lung every five minutes.

Best Actor of a Mediocre to Bad Film: James Marsden, 27 Dresses, who solidified his status as under-the radar super-stud

Casting that Pretty Much Ruined the Movie for Me: Angelina Jolie in Wanted, who could not possibly have lifted any of those guns in real life. And she takes herself way too seriously. I just don't like her. Anyway.

10 Funnest, Sexiest Movies of the Year

Since I spent all of 2008 either pregnant or with an infant, I missed a few movies here and there and I mostly avoided a lot of the crap. However, I did see enough movies to compile a Top Ten list. Here it is:

10. Forgetting Sarah Marshall.* I was really starting to tire of everyone who ever met Judd Apatow before this movie was released, but I should have known that my Marshall Erickson would be able to make a really sweet and funny movie.

9. Burn After Reading. I'm not sure why this movie didn't get more love. It's very classic Coen Brothers. Brad Pitt is amazingly insane.

8. Role Models. The best straight up comedy of the year. Tropic Thunder is undeservedly overpraised (see my worst of list tomorrow), and Pineapple Express is fantastic for the first 3/4 of the movie, but loses it in the end. Plus, the dorkiest character in the whole film is named, what else, Augie.

7. Son of Rambow. Can I say, Chuck Bass? Yes, the Bass-hole is in this movie, but it's the little kids who sell it. Look for Will Poulter, who plays Lee Carter, to make something of himself someday.

6. The Visitor. So. Freaking. Good. You must rent this movie immediately. Richard Jenkins deserves a best actor nomination for sure.

5. In Bruges. I love, love, love this movie. The screenplay is fantastic. The acting is superb. It's just a bizarre, smallish, bloody film.

4. Iron Man. This certainly was the year of really good superhero movies. Robert Downey, Jr. is officially back, though he'd been back in my heart since his stint on Ally McBeal.

3. Frost/Nixon. The most recent movie I saw with my husband has a slash in the title, just like the very first movie we ever saw together: Face/Off. Just a little bit of trivia. Frost/Nixon is waaaaay better. The acting is superb. Both Frank Langella and Michael Sheen are great as the title characters. Plus, Oliver Platt. Love him.

2. Slumdog Millionaire. This is the movie that will probably win Best Picture at the Academy Awards, and it probably should. It should also receive an adapted screenplay nomination as well. This is one of the most interestingly constructed movies in a long time and it's just a joy to watch.

1. The Dark Knight. I've seen it thrice. I don't care how popular it is or how cool it is to be bashing TDK right about now, this movie is fantastic. The acting is very good to great. The score is fantastic. The cinematography is unbelievable. I still can't help but marvel at the non-CGI shot of Christian Bale at the top of the Sears Tower. Chicago never looked better. And, most of all, shouldn't we all be encouraging Hollywood to make big budget popcorn movies that are actually good? Let's throw a few Oscars over by there.

*I realize the movie Wall-E is missing from this list. I saw it. I liked it. I'm not as deeply in love with this movie as many people are. I think it's good, and technically brilliant, and I may grow to love the movie in time, but as of December 30, 2008, I am just not there yet.