And Now, A Word From Our Fun, Sexy Sponsors

We here at What A Fun, Sexy Time For You would like to take a moment to thank the sponsors of Tuesday night's Idol Offering: "The First Group of Twelve Butchers Songs That Were Recorded ... Sometime".

The scintillating cavalcade of stank was made possible by grants from the following:

• Hoover
• Eureka
• Oreck
• Jenna Jameson
• Sinusitis
  
• Mosquitoes
• Bill O'Reilly
  
• Monica Lewinsky
• Stale Coffee
• Black Holes
• ATM fees
• Rush Limbaugh
• Bullies
• PMS
• Ringworm (Psoriasis! Tetter!)
  
• SPAM
• Migraine Headaches

That show could only have been brought to us by a group of sponsors whose collective SUCK runs a distant second to the great and powerful SUCK brought to us by this group of ne'er-sing-wells and their oh-so-creative interpretations of Songs That Have Ever Been On The Billboard Charts (way to narrow it down, there, Idol producers).

With only a couple of exceptions -- and, yes, I mean you, Danny Gokey and your didn't-blow-me-away-but-it-was-still-OK-for-me-for-you rendition of Hero, and you, Alexis Grace, even though your voice is thin and your hair and alabaster skin and overall perk will likely be working my last nerve within two weeks -- every single performance was just oozing, nay DRIPPING, with mediocrity.

So, I ask you. No, I implore you, Idol Contestants. For the love of all that is right and holy: GET. IT. TOGETHER.

Sweatin' to the Funness & Sexiness

Is this some sort of new fitness regimen that Richard Simmons has dreamed up? Deal-A-Poonanny?

Fun! Sexy! Truthy!

Ahhhh ... The Holiday Season is over. Officially. I say again, "Ahhhhh!"

Ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you that there is no one who loves Christmas -- the whole holiday season, actually -- more than I. I love the lights. I love the tradition. I love the 75% OFF, EVERYTHING MUST GO, GO, GO! sales at every turn. But even I have my limits. And I, for one, am delighted to turn the page and see what January will bring.

The Golden Globes!
American Idol!
The Oscars!
Other stuff I don't really care about!

There are two things, however, about which I am most excited in this new year: the returns of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert to the airwaves. I depend on these two stalwarts of journalism to keep me abreast of the latest goings-on on this big blue marble we call home. Their extended holiday vacations left me woefully (or is it blissfully) uninformed and forced me to turn to hacks like John King and David Gregory to get my "facts".

For the remainder of this week, Jon Stewart's guests will be the brilliant, fun, possibly sexy, definitely awesome Rachel Maddow (who looks curiously like Elvis Costello) and White House Press Secretary Dana Perino (which will doubtless be nothing short of glorious). On Colbert, you'll see Benicio "Mushmouth" Del Toro and author Lawrence Lessig.

I'm glad you're back, gentlemen. A sense of peace, harmony and factose intolerance has returned to my life.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Crisis in the Senate - Deliberative Disorder

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Better Know a District - Utah's 3rd - Jason Chaffetz

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

Golden Globe Nominations

1. BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Warner Bros. Pictures and Paramount Pictures; Warner Bros. Pictures and Paramount Pictures
FROST/NIXON
Imagine Entertainment, Working Title, Studio Canal; Universal Pictures
THE READER
Mirage Enterprises; The Weinstein Company
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
An Evamere Entertainment BBC Films Neal Street Production; DreamWorks Pictures in Association with BBC Films and Paramount Vantage
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
Fox Searchlight Pictures and Warner Bros.; Fox Searchlight Pictures and Warner Bros.


2. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

ANNE HATHAWAY – RACHEL GETTING MARRIED
ANGELINA JOLIE – CHANGELING
MERYL STREEP – DOUBT
KRISTIN SCOTT THOMAS – I'VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (IL Y A LONGTEMPS QUE JE T’AIME)
KATE WINSLET – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD


3. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

LEONARDO DICAPRIO – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
FRANK LANGELLA – FROST/NIXON
SEAN PENN – MILK
BRAD PITT – THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
MICKEY ROURKE – THE WRESTLER


4. BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

BURN AFTER READING
Working Title/Releasing Company; Focus Features in association with Studio Canal
HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
Summit Entertainment, Film4, Ingenious Film Partners, Miramax Films; Miramax Films
IN BRUGES
Blueprint Pictures; Focus Features
MAMMA MIA!
Relativity Media, Playtone, Littlestar; Universal Pictures
VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
Mediapro; The Weinstein Company


5.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

REBECCA HALL – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
SALLY HAWKINS – HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
FRANCES MCDORMAND – BURN AFTER READING
MERYL STREEP – MAMMA MIA!
EMMA THOMPSON – LAST CHANCE HARVEY


6. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

JAVIER BARDEM – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
COLIN FARRELL – IN BRUGES
JAMES FRANCO – PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
BRENDAN GLEESON – IN BRUGES
DUSTIN HOFFMAN – LAST CHANCE HARVEY



7. BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

BOLT
Walt Disney Pictures; Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
KUNG FU PANDA
DreamWorks Animation SKG; Paramount Pictures
WALL-E
Walt Disney Pictures and Pixar Animation Studios; Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures



8. BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

THE BAADER MEINHOF COMPLEX (GERMANY)
(DER BADDER MEINHOF KOMPLEX)
Constantin Film Produktion GmbH; Summit Entertainment, LLC
EVERLASTING MOMENTS (SWEDEN/DENMARK)
(MARIA LARSSONS EVIGA ÖGONBLICK)
Final Cut Productions Aps; IFC Films
GOMORRAH (ITALY)
(GOMORRA)
Fandango; IFC Films
I'VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (FRANCE)
(IL Y A LONGTEMPS QUE JE T’AIME)
UGC YM/UGC Images/France 3 Cinema/Integral Film; Sony Pictures Classics
WALTZ WITH BASHIR (ISRAEL)
Bridgit Folman Film Gang/Les Films D'Ici/Razor Films/Arte France/ITVS International; Sony Pictures Classics



9. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

AMY ADAMS – DOUBT
PENELOPE CRUZ – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
VIOLA DAVIS –DOUBT
MARISA TOMEI – THE WRESTLER
KATE WINSLET – THE READER



10. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

TOM CRUISE – TROPIC THUNDER
ROBERT DOWNEY JR. –TROPIC THUNDER
RALPH FIENNES – THE DUCHESS
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN – DOUBT
HEATH LEDGER – THE DARK KNIGHT



11. BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE

DANNY BOYLE – SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
STEPHEN DALDRY – THE READER
DAVID FINCHER – THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
RON HOWARD – FROST/NIXON
SAM MENDES – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD



12. BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE

SIMON BEAUFOY – SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
DAVID HARE – THE READER
PETER MORGAN – FROST/NIXON
ERIC ROTH – THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN
JOHN PATRICK SHANLEY – DOUBT



13. BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – MOTION PICTURE

ALEXANDRE DESPLAT –THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
CLINT EASTWOOD – CHANGELING
JAMES NEWTON HOWARD – DEFIANCE
A. R. RAHMAN – SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
HANS ZIMMER – FROST/NIXON



14. BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE

“DOWN TO EARTH” — WALL-E
Music by: Peter Gabriel, Thomas Newman
Lyrics by: Peter Gabriel
“GRAN TORINO” — GRAN TORINO
Music by: Clint Eastwood, Jamie Cullum, Kyle Eastwood, Michael Stevens
Lyrics by: Kyle Eastwood, Michael Stevens
“I THOUGHT I LOST YOU” — BOLT
Music & Lyrics by: Miley Cyrus, Jeffrey Steele
“ONCE IN A LIFETIME” — CADILLAC RECORDS
Music & Lyrics by: Beyoncé Knowles, Amanda Ghost, Scott McFarnon, Ian Dench, James Dring, Jody Street
“THE WRESTLER” — THE WRESTLER
Music & Lyrics by: Bruce Springsteen



15. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

DEXTER (SHOWTIME)
Showtime/John Goldwyn Productions/The Colleton Company/Clyde Phillips Productions
HOUSE (FOX)
Universal Media Studios in association with Heel and Toe Films, Shore Z Productions and Bad Hat Harry Productions
IN TREATMENT (HBO)
Sheleg, Closest to the Hole Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
MAD MEN (AMC)
Lionsgate Television
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
Your Face Goes Here Productions in association with HBO Entertainment



16. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

SALLY FIELD – BROTHERS AND SISTERS
MARISKA HARGITAY –LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT
JANUARY JONES – MAD MEN
ANNA PAQUIN – TRUE BLOOD
KYRA SEDGWICK – THE CLOSER



17. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

GABRIEL BYRNE – IN TREATMENT
MICHAEL C. HALL – DEXTER
JON HAMM – MAD MEN
HUGH LAURIE – HOUSE
JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS – THE TUDORS



18. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

30 ROCK (NBC)
Universal Media Studios in association with Broadway Video and Little Stranger Inc.
CALIFORNICATION (SHOWTIME)
Showtime Presents in association with Aggressive Mediocrity, And Then...
ENTOURAGE (HBO)
Leverage and Closest to the Hole Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
THE OFFICE (NBC)
Deedle Dee Productions, Reveille LLC, Universal Media Studios
WEEDS (SHOWTIME)
Lionsgate Television



19.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES –COMEDY OR MUSICAL

CHRISTINA APPLEGATE – SAMANTHA WHO?
AMERICA FERRERA – UGLY BETTY
TINA FEY – 30 ROCK
DEBRA MESSING – THE STARTER WIFE
MARY-LOUISE PARKER – WEEDS



20. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

ALEC BALDWIN – 30 ROCK
STEVE CARELL – THE OFFICE
KEVIN CONNOLLY – ENTOURAGE
DAVID DUCHOVNY – CALIFORNICATION
TONY SHALHOUB – MONK



21. BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

A RAISIN IN THE SUN (ABC)
Sony Pictures Television
BERNARD AND DORIS (HBO
Trigger Street Independent Productions in association with Little Bird and Chicago Films and HBO Films
CRANFORD (PBS)
A Co-Production of BBC and WGBH Boston.
JOHN ADAMS (HBO)
Playtone in association with HBO Films
RECOUNT (HBO)
Spring Creek/Mirage Productions in association with Trigger Street Productions, Everyman Pictures and HBO Films



22. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

JUDI DENCH – CRANFORD
CATHERINE KEENER – AN AMERICAN CRIME
LAURA LINNEY – JOHN ADAMS
SHIRLEY MACLAINE – COCO CHANEL
SUSAN SARANDON – BERNARD AND DORIS



23. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

RALPH FIENNES – BERNARD AND DORIS
PAUL GIAMATTI – JOHN ADAMS
KEVIN SPACEY – RECOUNT
KIEFER SUTHERLAND – 24: REDEMPTION
TOM WILKINSON – RECOUNT



24. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

EILEEN ATKINS – CRANFORD
LAURA DERN – RECOUNT
MELISSA GEORGE – IN TREATMENT
RACHEL GRIFFITHS – BROTHERS AND SISTERS
DIANNE WIEST – IN TREATMENT



25. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS – HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
DENIS LEARY – RECOUNT
JEREMY PIVEN – ENTOURAGE
BLAIR UNDERWOOD – IN TREATMENT
TOM WILKINSON – JOHN ADAMS

The View - "This is the dumbest show I've ever been on."

Thank you, Barbara, for echoing my sentiments.

The show that had been a riveting ticking time bomb during the presidential election has become a bastion of the inane.

Here's what went down (and this is all before the really, really hard to watch Greta Van Susteren came on the show):

1. The ladies completely butchered Illinois politics. Governor Rod R. Blagojevich is going to be in the news for quite a while. It might behoove you to learn how to pronounce his name, Barbara Walters. It's Blah-GOY-yeh-vitch. It's only been on every news channel 100,000,000 times before your show aired at 10 AM today. Also, Whoopi, yes, four of our governors have found themselves in hot water, but not four CONSECUTIVE governors. I'm sure Jim Thompson and Jim Edgar would be surprised to find out that they too were conviction on corruption charges. Also, Elisabeth, George Ryan is/was a Republican. Don't talk about his conviction with such glee.

2. Whoopi talked like a valley girl throughout an entire segment about a 70-year-old woman who gave birth in India.

3. Again with the strange births. This show has become Maury Povich so slowly I barely noticed.

4. The ladies hooted and hollered over a blocked out picture of some football player naked in the locker room.

5. And then Cameron Matheson showed up to prove he doesn't wear a thong.

6. This all led up to Whoopi's search for the perfect gingerbread man.

And I'm only half way through with the show. I need to watch some Sesame Street to get my brain working again.

Gossip Girl - My Undereducated Guess

So, Bart "Robocop" Bass is "dead" and unfortunately Aaron "Crispin Glover" Rose is still around. Dan and Serena continue to torment each other, as do Chuckles (who was doing his best Edward Cullen impression) and Blair, obviously. Eric's ex-boyfriend showed up just to remind us all that he's both still alive and a geigh. And Serena revealed her Emily Postian rules for funereal and matrimonial dressing: Off the shoulder LBD for funerals and lady business-bearing off-white if you're a wedding guest.

Now, GG will not be back NEW on the C-Dub until January, but I am using my powers of foresight based on my many years of soap opera viewing to predict what will happen when the show resumes...

First off, Bart is not dead. We never saw the body. Presumably, Lily and Chuckles never even saw the body. Bart will come back at the most inopportune time for everyone. Probably next season when the writers run out of ideas.

Second, tiny baby Van Der Woodsen-Humphrey. It shall be a boy, and that boy shall be Chuckles' brother, who is due to join the cast in the upcoming half season. Yes. That's right. Dan and Serena's (and Jenny and Eric's) half brother is none other than Chuckles' older brother, who was adopted because Chuckles' mom (who eventually "died" in childbirth) was unable to conceive until MIRACLE! she was knocked up with Chuck.

I'm just sayin'.

I Watch SNL So You Don't Have To

This was one of the more entertaining episodes of SNL, even if it was devoid of Will Forte (Where was he? WHAT?)

Here are the best moments.

First Obama plays it cool...



Then the hysterical Pony Express...



And finally, the somewhat NSFW Pet Shop Boys send up: Jizz in My Pants...



Enjoy.

Fun, Sexy SNL Skit, Part the First

Happy Monday, Timers!

Next time the Saturday Night Live Powers That Be consider inviting Tim McGraw to host, they should immediately pass up his name in their Rolodex in favor of T-Pain and Ludacris.  Here is one of the two good sketches from the Thanksgiving episode.

John King Will Kill Us All

Maybe because I was a huge CCN junkie during the election and because I have a sort of weird fascination with John King (totally asexual. I save my wonky crushes for Anderson Cooper and Campbell Brown), I found this Daily Show segment to be an absolute joy. It's not that far-fetched either. John King has shown us that he has the ability to track down any of his embedded reporters at any time (even if he doesn't have the ability to conjure up ways for McCain to win the electoral vote. I cannot find video evidence of this, but he spent about five minutes at his magic map trying to find any possible scenario that would guarantee victory for McCain. He stymied at California. He could not in good conscience even PRETEND that MAYBE McCain could win that state. King is nothing if not principled). Anywhoodle, all of the correspondents wear a microchip of some kind and pop up like magic on the magic map. He can tell you in which exact bar Candy Crowley is trolling for hook-ups after hours. This is valuable information. At the biggest disadvantage? His wife Dana Bash, who followed the McCain campaign around for the past million months. "Dana, why were you in room 218 of the hotel at 2:24 AM on October the 21st when you were supposed to be in room 216?"

I also loved this segment because it reminded me of the fabulous mock movie preview my husband (et. al.) made for his firm's 25th anniversary party. You can view said video here.

I Watch "The View" So You Don't Have To

The View is one of the most entertaining shows on television right now. Today, Barbara opened up about her seven year relationship with living corpse Alan Greenspan. And The Powers That Be tried to soften Elisabeth's Blonde Republican Harpy image by forcing her to talk about shopping for discount home goods with her unwilling husband. But the biggest WTF moment came at the beginning of the show where Whoopi tried to channel Rosie Perez. You can see it here.