Listen up kids! Getting pregnant is cool! It's AWESOME! It'll score you the major bucks!
Really. It's true. Just ask Bristol Palin.
I had hoped I'd heard the last of Gov. Sarah Palin and her rag-tag rabble of Joe Six Pack, you betcha, snow-machine-driving, moose-shooting family members. But, alas, my hopes were dashed by the December 28 birth of little Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston, the product of the dalliance between sweet, young Bristol Palin and her boyfriend, Levi "I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some s**t and just f***in' chillin' I guess" Johnston.
Here's what's so awesome about the Crowned Prince of Wassila:
(1) He totally scored in the Palin baby-naming pool and won't be subjected to the name "Zamboni".
(2) He's gonna learn real early how to shoot shit. Just ask his dad.
(3) His grandma is one of the most entertaining footnotes in the history of history.
(4) His OTHER grandma is addicted to coffee (read: OxyContin) and has won herself a felony drug charge.
(5) People magazine, God love 'em, is rewarding all of this by shelling out $300,000 for pictures of the little bundle of joy.
Not only are the tabloids forking over the beaucoup dolares, thereby validating something that would have ruined the lives of any OTHER teens in this country (not that I really have a strong opinion on this or anything), but once Mr. "I'm a f***in' redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes. But I live to play hockey" Johnston's mom was arrested last week for drug trafficking, the price increased by $200K.
So, go forth and throw caution to the wind, youngsters! Get yourself knocked up. It's fun! It'll set you up for life! Just make sure your parents are doing lots of drugs. You won't have to worry about a thing. Or not.
And just because it makes me giggle, here's one for old-time's sake:
1 comment:
And here I waited until I was 31 to get knocked up. What an idiot.
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