It is for this reason that I am feeling neither fun NOR sexy today, as this is the day my local radio stations have chosen to begin their annual all-Christmas, all-the-time, shove-the-holidays-down-my-throat music campaign. The real problem with this experiment in pre-Noel super saturation is that there isn't enough GOOD Christmas music to sustain it. I'm fine with some Bing, a splash of Nat King Cole and, of course, everyone's guilty pleasure, The Carpenters. Even The Waitresses and their Christmas Wrapping (both fun AND sexy) are OK by me.
It's when stuff like THIS happens, that I start to come unraveled:
Honestly. Why is this necessary? LOVED Kristin Chenoweth on The West Wing. Think she's great on Pushing Daisies. But a Christmas album?? In her defense, I haven't listened to it, but my instincts are telling me to run away, and run quickly.
And it isn't just actors who've amped up the hurl factor. Even people like the uber-cool Dean Martin (et tu, Deano?) who, on this very morning, sang to me, not about Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer, but of Rudy, the red-beaked reindeer, whom Santa apparently asked, "mit your nose so bright, won't you guide mein sleigh tonight?" have sadly let me down. I don't need my Christmas songs translated by Sergeant Schultz.
PEOPLE. A Christmas album does not a career make!
The worst offenders are (and I'm sure there are those who actually like these) things like Christmas Eve in Washington (didn't you know our Nation's Capitol was *the* place to spend the Holidays?) or the granddaddy of them all, the song that makes me throw up in my mouth just a little bit every time I hear it: The Christmas Shoes. This is a song whose mere existence, I'm pretty sure, is one of the signs of the Apocalypse.
Thanksgiving is still over a week away. I want to think about turkey. About cranberries, stuffing and football (not necessarily in that order). I don't need to be thrown off kilter by the likes of New Kids On The Block singing of their Funky, Funky Christmas. Which is, doubtless, funky. Just not in the way they want it to be.
3 comments:
We need a discussion of the worst Christmas songs ever. Sorry, Sir Paul, but "Wonderful Christmastime" blows.
I would simply be having a wonderful Christmastime if I never had to hear 'The Christmas Shoes' again. I feel the need to cough up a hairball every time it's played.
This is a topic that really gets me going. I am from the land of the Pilgrims. Every November involved some sort of Thanksgiving school play, a thousand rounds of "Simple Gifts" in music class, and maybe a trip to Plimoth Plantation. Thanksgiving was BIG. Fun. The extended family all came over and we had the ghetto rigged table in a sad attempt to fit in all 25 people. Good stuff. Good times. Christmas is just unacceptable until 12:01 am, Black Friday. So I'm with you, Melissa. And on that note, I will not discuss the crappy Christmas songs until then...
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