There Are Many Things I Am Thankful For

Melissa is thankful. Thankful, first of all, that I live in a country in which I can not only refer to myself in the third person, but also one in which we have a holiday whose sole purpose is to celebrate food. Yeah, there's that whole family and giving thanks for the people we love thing, but mostly, it's about the chow.

Aside from turkey, stuffing, cranberries and, of course, pie, there are a few other things for which I am truly, truly thankful this year, not the least of which are blue poinsettias. I love that the marketeers are bringing that natural feel back to ye olde holiday season.


Mostly, though, I am thankful for this:

The Treadmobile. This thing is a testament to the sheer power of capitalism. Where else but the good ol' US of A could you find a machine that combines the magic of running with the great outdoors? That's right! Now, you too can run OUTSIDE! Who would have thought such a thing was possible? Simply take your treadmobile out of the garage, hop aboard and start yourself a'runnin. I mean, you can't turn or anything, so this is really only a viable option for those of us who live on straightaways. If you live on a cul de sac, I guess it really sucks to be you. And here I've been stationary for all these years. My life is forever changed.)


Here's to the hope that your Thanksgiving is not just fun and sexy, but also filled with, you know ... love ... and joy and family and stuff.

Julie's Favorite Things, Part I

Today was Oprah's Favorite Things episode, the most anticipated TV episode in all the land. But it was a total cop out this year. MAKE gifts?! Say nice THINGS about people?! This isn't fairy land, Oprah. Give us the good stuff.

In order to satiate your need to be told what to buy, I have compiled a list of my favorite things this year. It's a more modest list than Oprah's normal favorite things, and you get nothing free from my list, but I hope you enjoy it and/or anonymously judge me from the comment box. Feel free to post your favorite things below. It's Black Friday Almost Eve and we need to stimulate this economy! Sexy.

Food Related Products
Dining Deal: Morton's 30th Anniversary Special. John and I have partaken in this special event, and it is worth every penny and every ounce of every pound. Make sure you skip the Key Lime Pie in favor of the Hot Chocolate Cake. Also, I can't find a link to it, but there is a fabulous drink on the menu that is much like a non minty mojito. Drink it.

Snack: Fiber One Oats and Caramel Bars. Nom nom nom. I'm pretty much a fan of anything Fiber One. It makes me feel like I'm almost eating something healthy, and I like that.

Clothing
I haven't bought much this year that wasn't maternity-related because I'm still trying to fit comfortably back into my old clothes (thanks, baby!). Alas, I bought myself a pair of these pants from L.L. Bean that are cheap, elastic, and can be pretend "dress up" pants. No one...will know. Except that I just told them.

Toiletries
I love this soap because it smells like Pez candy. What's more special than that?

And if you're fruity like me, you'll love this fruity Avojuice hand lotion (though they've discontinued my favorite grape flavor).

I adore the rosy scent of Stella McCartney's perfume (maybe it reminds me of my Rose Petal doll from back in the day, so what?). It's also natural and organic. Made from the bones of Chilean children or something.

I'll be back with more later. You've been warned.

What a Fun, Sexy Thanksgiving for You

Via her Goop newsletter, Gwyneth Paltrow orders, nay COMMANDS, you do this for Thanksgiving:

Mostly, make sure that no matter what type of meal you are having, you take a moment to think about how much you do have (health, love, friendship, passion, perspective, appreciation, intellect, reason, kindness) and reflect on how you can share more of it with others.

I'm a little less holier-than-thou. Here are 5 shallow things to be thankful for this holiday weekend.

1. TV Comedies. I have trouble getting it up for any of the hour long dramas this year. Maybe it's because of the dire straits of the actual world we live in, or because IZZY is freaking having SEX with GHOSTS, I'm not sure. However, many of the half-hour sitcoms are entertaining me to the hilt. These shows include the underrated Big Bang Theory and New Adventures of Old Christine, the underwatched How I Met Your Mother and 30 Rock, and the beloved The Office. I would go so far as to say that the Monday night tandem of BBT and HIMYM is starting to rival the Thursday night line-up in terms of what TV I look forward to each week.

2. Jesse White, Illinois Secretary of State. I know this won't apply to most of you reading this blog, but I am very thankful for this man and all he has done to make going to the DMV an exceedingly pleasant experience. After renewing my driver's license in under fifteen minutes yesterday, I have come to realize that this man is a miracle worker. I might just go hang out at the Elston Avenue location for shits and giggles sometime.

3. Red Wine. Oprah and Dr. Oz have decided to prescribe alcohol, any alcohol, as the greatest assistant to longevity. Red wine gets a bigger nod because of its antioxidants. Drink and be merry!

4. My car. No, it's not an environmentally responsible hybrid or electric car (though it does not get BAD gas milage, and I no longer have a commute), but it is American, so I've go that going for me. It's also so tricked out, I won't mind living in it when we get evicted from our house someday.

5. The entertainment value of The View. Even though the election is over, Elisabeth can still apply her Hannity-approved logic to such topics as gay marriage (What the devil will this teach our children about what marriage is supposed to be?) and pre-marital sex. And Sherri just sits there, not quite grasping it all, waiting for Whoopi to let her talk about Dancing With the Stars.

Oh, and I'm also thankful for my family and friends and blah blah blah, you know the deal.

Fun, Sexy SNL Skit, Part the First

Happy Monday, Timers!

Next time the Saturday Night Live Powers That Be consider inviting Tim McGraw to host, they should immediately pass up his name in their Rolodex in favor of T-Pain and Ludacris.  Here is one of the two good sketches from the Thanksgiving episode.

WAFSTFY: We're ESFP - The Performers

According to the "Typealyzer," we here at What a Fun, Sexy Time for You are performers. According to the site:

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

Sounds about right.

I Am A Harry Potter Geek, Which Is Fun ... Possibly Sexy

Like Julie, I wear my "I HEART Harry Potter" button with pride. TODAY is the day that Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince was to be released in all of its British awesomeness. But that isn't happening because some addle-brained marketing genius decided it would be prudent to wait until Summer. I'm only just slightly bitter about it.

What do I get to do instead?

I get to see Twilight! And I even get to see the midnight showing! With fifteen year olds! Who's jealous?

Tonight, while you all are blissfully drifting off to sleep or enjoying the witty repartee between Jon Stewart and his guest du jour, I will be awash in the desperate lust of clammy vampires, and its even clammier, not-to-mention comically clumsy Seattle-adjacent-dwelling heroine.

Visually, this movie had potential to be ... pleasing, at least, as the aforementioned vamps are purported to be scorchingly, nay freakishly, hot. The most awe-inspiring, beautiful creatures ever to roam the earth. Or Purgatory. Seattle. Whatever. The point is that the casting directors seemed to miss that part of the story, even though The Hotness was mentioned every other sentence for approximately 1800 pages.

*Sigh.*

On the bright side, I'm one day closer to satisfying my Harry Potter-philia.

Twilight: Neither Fun Nor Sexy

A note to all the rabid Twilight fans reading this blog (and I'm sure there are MANY of you): I don't want to hear it.

First, a revelation: I love Harry Potter.

That's why, in part, I decided to read Twilight a few months ago. Entertainment Weekly had been calling this book series the "new Harry Potter," and I love Harry Potter so I'd probably love Twilight. And I figured if this Twilight business was going to invade my EW every week, I might as well know what it's about (kind of why I watched The Hills that one regrettable time). Plus, I am a huuuuge sucker for teen romance and angst. I guess I'm still dealing with high school some ten odd years later.

Ergo I bought the tome and I took it with me on vacation. I must say, I really got into the first third or so of the book. Stephanie Meyer is by no means even a decent writer, but the story and the setting captivated me somewhat. That is until clumsy girl and the vampire start to acknowledge that they like each other. Then Twilight devolves into the most banal story line with the most inane dialogue. (But I am going to see the movie, of course)

SPOILER ALERT: Here is a re-imagined sample scene from "Twilight" or "Quick and Moody Vampires in the Rain" to help get you through the day before Twilight: The Movie bows at midnight:

INT: BELLA'S HOUSE - DAY

Bella: What's the matter, Edward?

Edward: I'm tortured, Bella, by your scent and your...BEING.

Bella: Likewise.

Edward: But, OH! You should be ever so afraid of me. After all, I kinda sorta wanna eat you.

Bella: That's cool. I'm pretty sure you won't eat me.

Edward: But I WANT to suck your blood. You smell like a meal of the finest prime rib and lobster followed up with my favorite German chocolate cake.

Bella: Right. You've mentioned that. But I'm not scared. You're not going to eat me.

Edward: Well, now you're just being difficult. Why, pray tell, won't I eat you.

Bella: It's a secret.

Edward: Not another secret. Tell me. You owe me one secret.

Bella: I most certainly do not. Remember last chapter when I told you that thing about my mom?

Edward: Yeah...?

Bella: OK, well, that was my secret. So it's your turn. You tell me a secret, and I'll tell you yet another secret.

Edward: Can we walk into a dark thicket first?

Bella: Of course.

EXT: DARK THICKET - MOMENTS LATER

Edward carries Bella into a dark thicket because she's very clumsy and will trip over everything (because she's REAL).

Bella: Well, buddy, we're in a thicket. Secret up.

Edward: Um...Did you know that I glow in the dark?

Bella: No. That is brand new information.

Edward: So, tell me your secret.

Bella: What is it you wanted to know again?

Edward: I'm...not...sure...

Edward spends the next ten minutes nuzzling his face up to Bella's neck while Bella swoons.

Edward: Oh, yeah. That's right. Why is it that you are currently not afraid of me and believe that I will not eat you.

Bella: Duh, jackass. This is only book one.

Repeat scene as needed.