10 Funnest, Sexiest Movies of the Year

Since I spent all of 2008 either pregnant or with an infant, I missed a few movies here and there and I mostly avoided a lot of the crap. However, I did see enough movies to compile a Top Ten list. Here it is:

10. Forgetting Sarah Marshall.* I was really starting to tire of everyone who ever met Judd Apatow before this movie was released, but I should have known that my Marshall Erickson would be able to make a really sweet and funny movie.

9. Burn After Reading. I'm not sure why this movie didn't get more love. It's very classic Coen Brothers. Brad Pitt is amazingly insane.

8. Role Models. The best straight up comedy of the year. Tropic Thunder is undeservedly overpraised (see my worst of list tomorrow), and Pineapple Express is fantastic for the first 3/4 of the movie, but loses it in the end. Plus, the dorkiest character in the whole film is named, what else, Augie.

7. Son of Rambow. Can I say, Chuck Bass? Yes, the Bass-hole is in this movie, but it's the little kids who sell it. Look for Will Poulter, who plays Lee Carter, to make something of himself someday.

6. The Visitor. So. Freaking. Good. You must rent this movie immediately. Richard Jenkins deserves a best actor nomination for sure.

5. In Bruges. I love, love, love this movie. The screenplay is fantastic. The acting is superb. It's just a bizarre, smallish, bloody film.

4. Iron Man. This certainly was the year of really good superhero movies. Robert Downey, Jr. is officially back, though he'd been back in my heart since his stint on Ally McBeal.

3. Frost/Nixon. The most recent movie I saw with my husband has a slash in the title, just like the very first movie we ever saw together: Face/Off. Just a little bit of trivia. Frost/Nixon is waaaaay better. The acting is superb. Both Frank Langella and Michael Sheen are great as the title characters. Plus, Oliver Platt. Love him.

2. Slumdog Millionaire. This is the movie that will probably win Best Picture at the Academy Awards, and it probably should. It should also receive an adapted screenplay nomination as well. This is one of the most interestingly constructed movies in a long time and it's just a joy to watch.

1. The Dark Knight. I've seen it thrice. I don't care how popular it is or how cool it is to be bashing TDK right about now, this movie is fantastic. The acting is very good to great. The score is fantastic. The cinematography is unbelievable. I still can't help but marvel at the non-CGI shot of Christian Bale at the top of the Sears Tower. Chicago never looked better. And, most of all, shouldn't we all be encouraging Hollywood to make big budget popcorn movies that are actually good? Let's throw a few Oscars over by there.

*I realize the movie Wall-E is missing from this list. I saw it. I liked it. I'm not as deeply in love with this movie as many people are. I think it's good, and technically brilliant, and I may grow to love the movie in time, but as of December 30, 2008, I am just not there yet.

Teen Pregnancy: So Fun, So Sexy, SO Awesome!

Listen up kids! Getting pregnant is cool! It's AWESOME! It'll score you the major bucks!

Really. It's true. Just ask Bristol Palin.

I had hoped I'd heard the last of Gov. Sarah Palin and her rag-tag rabble of Joe Six Pack, you betcha, snow-machine-driving, moose-shooting family members. But, alas, my hopes were dashed by the December 28 birth of little Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston, the product of the dalliance between sweet, young Bristol Palin and her boyfriend, Levi "I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some s**t and just f***in' chillin' I guess" Johnston.

Here's what's so awesome about the Crowned Prince of Wassila:

(1) He totally scored in the Palin baby-naming pool and won't be subjected to the name "Zamboni".
(2) He's gonna learn real early how to shoot shit. Just ask his dad.
(3) His grandma is one of the most entertaining footnotes in the history of history.
(4) His OTHER grandma is addicted to coffee (read: OxyContin) and has won herself a felony drug charge.
(5) People magazine, God love 'em, is rewarding all of this by shelling out $300,000 for pictures of the little bundle of joy.

Not only are the tabloids forking over the beaucoup dolares, thereby validating something that would have ruined the lives of any OTHER teens in this country (not that I really have a strong opinion on this or anything), but once Mr. "I'm a f***in' redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes. But I live to play hockey" Johnston's mom was arrested last week for drug trafficking, the price increased by $200K.

So, go forth and throw caution to the wind, youngsters! Get yourself knocked up. It's fun! It'll set you up for life! Just make sure your parents are doing lots of drugs. You won't have to worry about a thing. Or not.

And just because it makes me giggle, here's one for old-time's sake:

Fun, Sexy Gift Idea (SO Much Better Than A Chia Pet)

Christmas is next week (maybe you've heard that). If you're like me, you're still scurrying around trying to find that extra-special something-something for your extra-special someone. You go from store to store thinking,
"Chia head?" No.
"Julianne Hough's Holiday CD?" Uhh ... No. "Life-size LEGO replica?" Though that would quite the conversation-starter, NO. I think, however, I've found just the thing: it's soft, it's compact, and, best of all, 100% of the proceeds from its sale go to charity.

You guessed it. It's snot.

You can own your very own piece of celebrity mucus. Scarlett Johansson, currently infected with a cold she caught from cool cat (and co-star in the craptacular The Spirit), sneezed into a tissue on The Tonight Show and is auctioning it off on eBay.

Will this be the start of a whole new celebrity germ culture (no pun intended)? What will be next on the blocks? Earwax-laden Q-Tips from the bathroom of Nicole Kidman? Belly button lint from TomKat? Used dental floss from Heidi & Spencer?

Is this a great country, or what?

Fun, Sexy Golden Globe Reactions - Movie Style

Unfortunately, due to it being frowned upon for me to take my whiny infant into a theater and the fact that movie Powers That Be feel that we here in Chicago can't handle seeing Award Worthy movies before early January, I haven't seen as many of the Golden Globe nominees as I'd have liked. However, the husband has taken it upon himself to see almost everything (mostly via 10 PM double features on the weekends) and has given me a pretty good rundown of what's what. I'll let him comment where he sees fit.

On the other hand, I watch a crap load of TV.

Here are my thoughts on the Golden Globe nominations:

Best Picture Nominations

I'm kind of a fan of how the Globes have a comedy/musical category and a drama category. I am not a fan of them feeling they need to nominate a musical just because it stars Meryl Streep. Mamma Mia! is garbage. You don't even have to see the movie to know that. Listen to the one minute song snippets on iTunes. Yuck.

Sorely missing from either category (though it certainly isn't a comedy) is The Dark Knight. Yes, it's a "popcorn movie." Yes, it's about "superheroes." But also, yes, it's the best movie of the year. It should have a buttload of nominations (picture, director, cinematography, supporting actor, at the very least). But it doesn't. Because the Globe Heads needed to make room for more Meryl Streep butt licking.

Milk is also absent from the list. Now, I feel that in any other year Milk would be an also-ran. It's a very good biopic, but it's not great. Milk is not a movie you'll be reminiscing to your kids about in ten years. However, thirty years after the murder of Harvey Milk and during the year where so many anti-gay laws were put into effect, there is no movie more timely.

But back to Meryl Streep bashing. It's criminal to include the much maligned Mamma Mia! in the best comedical category in a year of some very good to excellent comedies. This missing films: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, Pineapple Express, Role Models, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I hated Tropic Thunder.

A few nomination kudos, though.

I love, and keep loving, In Bruges. Rent it immediately if you haven't seen it. Burn After Reading is an underrated film, and I'm glad it's on the list (even though it's probably only there due to Coen brothers' name recognition). And John keeps telling me I need to get out there and see Slumdog Millionaire immediately.

Film Acting Nominations

First of all, Meryl Freaking Streep. Again. And again. And again. It needs to stop. She's a travesty in Mamma Mia!. You know, though, I don't even know who's missing from the actress lists because there were SO FEW DECENT PARTS for actresses this year. And every year. It needs to stop. And Angelina Jolie is perhaps the most overrated actress, nay person, on the planet.

Missing actors: Colin Farrell and Ralph Finnes for In Bruges, Richard Jenkins and Haaz Sleiman for The Visitor. Brad Pitt for Burn After Reading. Emile Hirsch for Milk, should've gotten a nomination as well.

I am very excited, however, for James Franco's Pineapple Express nod.

TV later.

Golden Globe Nominations

1. BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Warner Bros. Pictures and Paramount Pictures; Warner Bros. Pictures and Paramount Pictures
FROST/NIXON
Imagine Entertainment, Working Title, Studio Canal; Universal Pictures
THE READER
Mirage Enterprises; The Weinstein Company
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
An Evamere Entertainment BBC Films Neal Street Production; DreamWorks Pictures in Association with BBC Films and Paramount Vantage
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
Fox Searchlight Pictures and Warner Bros.; Fox Searchlight Pictures and Warner Bros.


2. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

ANNE HATHAWAY – RACHEL GETTING MARRIED
ANGELINA JOLIE – CHANGELING
MERYL STREEP – DOUBT
KRISTIN SCOTT THOMAS – I'VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (IL Y A LONGTEMPS QUE JE T’AIME)
KATE WINSLET – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD


3. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

LEONARDO DICAPRIO – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
FRANK LANGELLA – FROST/NIXON
SEAN PENN – MILK
BRAD PITT – THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
MICKEY ROURKE – THE WRESTLER


4. BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

BURN AFTER READING
Working Title/Releasing Company; Focus Features in association with Studio Canal
HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
Summit Entertainment, Film4, Ingenious Film Partners, Miramax Films; Miramax Films
IN BRUGES
Blueprint Pictures; Focus Features
MAMMA MIA!
Relativity Media, Playtone, Littlestar; Universal Pictures
VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
Mediapro; The Weinstein Company


5.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

REBECCA HALL – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
SALLY HAWKINS – HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
FRANCES MCDORMAND – BURN AFTER READING
MERYL STREEP – MAMMA MIA!
EMMA THOMPSON – LAST CHANCE HARVEY


6. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

JAVIER BARDEM – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
COLIN FARRELL – IN BRUGES
JAMES FRANCO – PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
BRENDAN GLEESON – IN BRUGES
DUSTIN HOFFMAN – LAST CHANCE HARVEY



7. BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

BOLT
Walt Disney Pictures; Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
KUNG FU PANDA
DreamWorks Animation SKG; Paramount Pictures
WALL-E
Walt Disney Pictures and Pixar Animation Studios; Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures



8. BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

THE BAADER MEINHOF COMPLEX (GERMANY)
(DER BADDER MEINHOF KOMPLEX)
Constantin Film Produktion GmbH; Summit Entertainment, LLC
EVERLASTING MOMENTS (SWEDEN/DENMARK)
(MARIA LARSSONS EVIGA ÖGONBLICK)
Final Cut Productions Aps; IFC Films
GOMORRAH (ITALY)
(GOMORRA)
Fandango; IFC Films
I'VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (FRANCE)
(IL Y A LONGTEMPS QUE JE T’AIME)
UGC YM/UGC Images/France 3 Cinema/Integral Film; Sony Pictures Classics
WALTZ WITH BASHIR (ISRAEL)
Bridgit Folman Film Gang/Les Films D'Ici/Razor Films/Arte France/ITVS International; Sony Pictures Classics



9. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

AMY ADAMS – DOUBT
PENELOPE CRUZ – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
VIOLA DAVIS –DOUBT
MARISA TOMEI – THE WRESTLER
KATE WINSLET – THE READER



10. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

TOM CRUISE – TROPIC THUNDER
ROBERT DOWNEY JR. –TROPIC THUNDER
RALPH FIENNES – THE DUCHESS
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN – DOUBT
HEATH LEDGER – THE DARK KNIGHT



11. BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE

DANNY BOYLE – SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
STEPHEN DALDRY – THE READER
DAVID FINCHER – THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
RON HOWARD – FROST/NIXON
SAM MENDES – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD



12. BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE

SIMON BEAUFOY – SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
DAVID HARE – THE READER
PETER MORGAN – FROST/NIXON
ERIC ROTH – THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN
JOHN PATRICK SHANLEY – DOUBT



13. BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – MOTION PICTURE

ALEXANDRE DESPLAT –THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
CLINT EASTWOOD – CHANGELING
JAMES NEWTON HOWARD – DEFIANCE
A. R. RAHMAN – SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
HANS ZIMMER – FROST/NIXON



14. BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE

“DOWN TO EARTH” — WALL-E
Music by: Peter Gabriel, Thomas Newman
Lyrics by: Peter Gabriel
“GRAN TORINO” — GRAN TORINO
Music by: Clint Eastwood, Jamie Cullum, Kyle Eastwood, Michael Stevens
Lyrics by: Kyle Eastwood, Michael Stevens
“I THOUGHT I LOST YOU” — BOLT
Music & Lyrics by: Miley Cyrus, Jeffrey Steele
“ONCE IN A LIFETIME” — CADILLAC RECORDS
Music & Lyrics by: Beyoncé Knowles, Amanda Ghost, Scott McFarnon, Ian Dench, James Dring, Jody Street
“THE WRESTLER” — THE WRESTLER
Music & Lyrics by: Bruce Springsteen



15. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

DEXTER (SHOWTIME)
Showtime/John Goldwyn Productions/The Colleton Company/Clyde Phillips Productions
HOUSE (FOX)
Universal Media Studios in association with Heel and Toe Films, Shore Z Productions and Bad Hat Harry Productions
IN TREATMENT (HBO)
Sheleg, Closest to the Hole Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
MAD MEN (AMC)
Lionsgate Television
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
Your Face Goes Here Productions in association with HBO Entertainment



16. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

SALLY FIELD – BROTHERS AND SISTERS
MARISKA HARGITAY –LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT
JANUARY JONES – MAD MEN
ANNA PAQUIN – TRUE BLOOD
KYRA SEDGWICK – THE CLOSER



17. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

GABRIEL BYRNE – IN TREATMENT
MICHAEL C. HALL – DEXTER
JON HAMM – MAD MEN
HUGH LAURIE – HOUSE
JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS – THE TUDORS



18. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

30 ROCK (NBC)
Universal Media Studios in association with Broadway Video and Little Stranger Inc.
CALIFORNICATION (SHOWTIME)
Showtime Presents in association with Aggressive Mediocrity, And Then...
ENTOURAGE (HBO)
Leverage and Closest to the Hole Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
THE OFFICE (NBC)
Deedle Dee Productions, Reveille LLC, Universal Media Studios
WEEDS (SHOWTIME)
Lionsgate Television



19.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES –COMEDY OR MUSICAL

CHRISTINA APPLEGATE – SAMANTHA WHO?
AMERICA FERRERA – UGLY BETTY
TINA FEY – 30 ROCK
DEBRA MESSING – THE STARTER WIFE
MARY-LOUISE PARKER – WEEDS



20. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

ALEC BALDWIN – 30 ROCK
STEVE CARELL – THE OFFICE
KEVIN CONNOLLY – ENTOURAGE
DAVID DUCHOVNY – CALIFORNICATION
TONY SHALHOUB – MONK



21. BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

A RAISIN IN THE SUN (ABC)
Sony Pictures Television
BERNARD AND DORIS (HBO
Trigger Street Independent Productions in association with Little Bird and Chicago Films and HBO Films
CRANFORD (PBS)
A Co-Production of BBC and WGBH Boston.
JOHN ADAMS (HBO)
Playtone in association with HBO Films
RECOUNT (HBO)
Spring Creek/Mirage Productions in association with Trigger Street Productions, Everyman Pictures and HBO Films



22. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

JUDI DENCH – CRANFORD
CATHERINE KEENER – AN AMERICAN CRIME
LAURA LINNEY – JOHN ADAMS
SHIRLEY MACLAINE – COCO CHANEL
SUSAN SARANDON – BERNARD AND DORIS



23. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

RALPH FIENNES – BERNARD AND DORIS
PAUL GIAMATTI – JOHN ADAMS
KEVIN SPACEY – RECOUNT
KIEFER SUTHERLAND – 24: REDEMPTION
TOM WILKINSON – RECOUNT



24. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

EILEEN ATKINS – CRANFORD
LAURA DERN – RECOUNT
MELISSA GEORGE – IN TREATMENT
RACHEL GRIFFITHS – BROTHERS AND SISTERS
DIANNE WIEST – IN TREATMENT



25. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS – HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
DENIS LEARY – RECOUNT
JEREMY PIVEN – ENTOURAGE
BLAIR UNDERWOOD – IN TREATMENT
TOM WILKINSON – JOHN ADAMS

The View - "This is the dumbest show I've ever been on."

Thank you, Barbara, for echoing my sentiments.

The show that had been a riveting ticking time bomb during the presidential election has become a bastion of the inane.

Here's what went down (and this is all before the really, really hard to watch Greta Van Susteren came on the show):

1. The ladies completely butchered Illinois politics. Governor Rod R. Blagojevich is going to be in the news for quite a while. It might behoove you to learn how to pronounce his name, Barbara Walters. It's Blah-GOY-yeh-vitch. It's only been on every news channel 100,000,000 times before your show aired at 10 AM today. Also, Whoopi, yes, four of our governors have found themselves in hot water, but not four CONSECUTIVE governors. I'm sure Jim Thompson and Jim Edgar would be surprised to find out that they too were conviction on corruption charges. Also, Elisabeth, George Ryan is/was a Republican. Don't talk about his conviction with such glee.

2. Whoopi talked like a valley girl throughout an entire segment about a 70-year-old woman who gave birth in India.

3. Again with the strange births. This show has become Maury Povich so slowly I barely noticed.

4. The ladies hooted and hollered over a blocked out picture of some football player naked in the locker room.

5. And then Cameron Matheson showed up to prove he doesn't wear a thong.

6. This all led up to Whoopi's search for the perfect gingerbread man.

And I'm only half way through with the show. I need to watch some Sesame Street to get my brain working again.

Gossip Girl - My Undereducated Guess

So, Bart "Robocop" Bass is "dead" and unfortunately Aaron "Crispin Glover" Rose is still around. Dan and Serena continue to torment each other, as do Chuckles (who was doing his best Edward Cullen impression) and Blair, obviously. Eric's ex-boyfriend showed up just to remind us all that he's both still alive and a geigh. And Serena revealed her Emily Postian rules for funereal and matrimonial dressing: Off the shoulder LBD for funerals and lady business-bearing off-white if you're a wedding guest.

Now, GG will not be back NEW on the C-Dub until January, but I am using my powers of foresight based on my many years of soap opera viewing to predict what will happen when the show resumes...

First off, Bart is not dead. We never saw the body. Presumably, Lily and Chuckles never even saw the body. Bart will come back at the most inopportune time for everyone. Probably next season when the writers run out of ideas.

Second, tiny baby Van Der Woodsen-Humphrey. It shall be a boy, and that boy shall be Chuckles' brother, who is due to join the cast in the upcoming half season. Yes. That's right. Dan and Serena's (and Jenny and Eric's) half brother is none other than Chuckles' older brother, who was adopted because Chuckles' mom (who eventually "died" in childbirth) was unable to conceive until MIRACLE! she was knocked up with Chuck.

I'm just sayin'.

Paula - No More Idol?

Per the television's greatest source for cat fights and talk of flatulence, The View, it seems like season 8 might be it for Paula Abdul.

It's BAAACK!

Ahhh ... you can smell it in the air, can't you? The scent of low-to-moderate grade cheese? That's because American Idol returns to your homes and hearts in precisely one month's time! And you thought you had just forgotten to take out the garbage last night.

Come January 13, we'll be treated to re-re-re-re-re-hashings of Simon Cowell's venomous barbs, the blatherings of one Randawg Jackson and, of course, the oft-senseless natterings of Miss Paula Abdul. I do so look forward to hearing her wax philosophical about how the contestants have really made their songs their own, allowed their spirits to soar on the wings of berainbowed fairies, and how they are all not just unique, but also different.

In that spirit, I'd like to add my two cents about the theme nights I'd like to see during this season:

1. 80s Week

2. Satanic Metal Week

3. Irish Drinking Songs Week

4. The Complete Works of Dr. Seuss Put to Music Week

5. Songs That Don't Suck Week

6. College Fight Songs Including the Word "Vim" Week

7. Gregorian Chant Week

8. Motown Week

9. Songs That Suggest Extreme Confidence In Mediocre Talent, and Not Merely Confidence But Almost Even A Suggestion That The Singer Feels That They Deserve Enormous Accolades As a God-Given Right Without Particular Effort Or Struggle And Certainly Without Actually Creating Something Themselves Week

10. Disco Week!

I Watch SNL So You Don't Have To

This was one of the more entertaining episodes of SNL, even if it was devoid of Will Forte (Where was he? WHAT?)

Here are the best moments.

First Obama plays it cool...



Then the hysterical Pony Express...



And finally, the somewhat NSFW Pet Shop Boys send up: Jizz in My Pants...



Enjoy.

Blind Items to Ponder

OMFG! A megastar parks where he wants and pays the tickets because he can afford them? Hey, he's trying to stimulate the city's economy.

Read here:

This A list comedian with A+ name recognition apparently cant be bothered with parking meters or valets or parking garages. Instead he seems to get some kind of perverse thrill of accumulating as many parking tickets as he can. He always pays his tickets, but just hates looking around for a parking spot or finding change for meters. Thus he parks where he wants for as long as he wants. Total amount of money spent on parking tickets last year? About $40,000. That total includes being towed on average of about once a month when he parked in a fire zone. It also averages out to about one parking ticket per day for an entire year. *Crazy Days and Nights*

Your so fired and you don't even know it!

Hopefully, you'll all be intrigued by today's blind item. But if a certain TV star is reading this, they should squint extra hard to read between the lines. How come? They've been canned -- they just don't know it yet!

Yep, it seems an original cast member of a hit series that's popular with Ausholes (and yours truly) has been pink-slipped without the benefit of being given a pink slip. A combo platter of budget cuts and creative redirection is being blamed for the firing, but it also bears mentioning that said performer was never going to win any popularity contests with their co-stars.
As for why the MVP still hasn't been told that the unemployment line is reserving a spot for them… well, that's where things get really interesting. According to my mole, there's still a snowball's chance in Hollywood that the producers might have a change of heart.

If, or when, the axe does fall, the regular's on-screen alter ego isn't likely to be killed off. Although death has cast a shadow over many a plot, this personality's demise would probably be deemed too morbid, even for this show.
So, stars... readers... readers who are stars... Call your agents and get guessing! Oh, and memo to my higher-ups at EW: Don't bother asking me who it is -- this is one blind item I won't be blabbing about! *EW*

Note: Apparently, the fired person is from a show that does not air on the CW or FOX.

Leave your guesses (real, creative, or otherwise) in the comments.

Twilight (aka Emo Vampires Wallow In Their Infinite Hotness): *1/2

It's officially been two weeks since I girded up my loins, sucked in my breath and headed into the multiplex (with requisite giggling 15-year-old in tow) to see the celluloid vision of the phenomenon that is Twilight. I feel like I've had enough time to recover from the excursion to disseminate the gory details.

For the most part, if you're over 25 years old, you're gonna think this movie bites the big one (no pun intended. OK ... maybe I meant it a little.) There is so much brooding angst dripping off of the actors that you practically need hip waders to get through it all. The acting is totally melodramatic, but at least all of the characters have great hair. So, they've got that going for them, which is nice.

Poor Bella Swan, uber-klutz and social misfit (despite being drop-dead gorgeous), moves to super-saturated Forks, WA, which is apparently the rainiest, most depressing spot on the face of the Earth. She is immediately embraced and fawned over by the cool clique (as all mid-semester transfer students are) and then has not one, but two smoldering, supernatural Adonises vying for her affections. Blah, blah, blah. It's the usual story: girl meets vampire, girl falls in love with vampire, girl wants to live life as an immortal in order to be with Him.

It's kind of awful. But it does have its brilliance.

The real enjoyment of this movie will come if you have the opportunity to see it in a theater full of girls (there will be NO dudes there) between the ages of 12 and 18. The collective sighing and shrieking at the appearance of each and every vamp (including EVERY screen shot of Undead Poster Boy: Robert "I Used To Be Cedric Diggory" Pattinson) was enough to turn this emo angstfest into a rollicking comedy adventure. Seriously ... this thing will stand up against the Beatles 1st American Performance at Shea Stadium, so overwhelmed with sweat were the young ladies at my screening.

If you feel you must join in the fray, comb your bangs over one eye, start listening to a lot of Panic At The Disco, and put on your most brooding expression. Then grab a gaggle of gigglers and go.

Otherwise, just stay home, geek out and watch the Harry Potter quintology. You'll be glad you did.

**** Movie Rating System

My husband John and I and our friend Jeff came up with the perfect movie rating system on a four star scale a few years ago. My esteemed husband has decided to abandon this scale and has started reviewing movies based on a five star scale. I feel this is grade inflation. Here is my star rating system to help you better assess my movie reviews.

**** - The movie is a classic or destined to become a classic, i.e. Wall-E or The Dark Knight.

***1/2 - I loved this movie. It might not reach classic status, but you should get your butt out to a movie theater immediately to view this film, i.e. Iron Man or In Bruges.

*** - This was a solid film. See it, certainly, but you may do so at your leisure, i.e. The Visitor or Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

**1/2 - On the whole, I liked this film, but I had reservations, i.e. Pineapple Express.

** - This movie was completely forgettable, neither good nor horribly awful. You will forget this movie as soon as you leave the theater, i.e. I can't remember.

*1/2 - This movie was not my cup of tea, but others may like it due to a niche subject matter and/or critics being bamboozled by fancy directors, stars, or ideas, i.e. Cloverfield.

* - This movie was absolutely worthless, i.e. Harold and Kumar Escape from GitMo and Fool's Gold.

1/2 star - This movie was so bad it's actually funny and entertaining, i.e. nothing that was released this year.

0 stars - This movie was so bad, I had to leave the theater, i.e. shockingly nothing this year, but in the past House of Wax, Battlefield Earth, and Cheaper By the Dozen.

Australi-ugh (**)

So far, as of December 2, this year has pretty much blown movie-wise. There have been a handful of quite good to exquisitely good movies, but they were few and far between throughout the first eleven months of 2008. I went into November expecting great things. After all, the end of last year gave us a few stellar movies like There Will Be Blood and The Orphanage (Netflix them immediately if you haven't seen them. And I don't want to hear the subtitle complaints about The Orphanage. That movie is fantastic) and on the very last day of 2006 perhaps the best movie of the past ten or so years (Children of Men) was released.

This year has been a little meh so far in the Oscar bait arena. Of the eight movies with Oscar potential listed by Entertainment Weekly, Australia is only the second one I've seen so far (I have an infant, it's difficult), and it's a heaping pile of dung. I am very disappointed in this second Baz/Kidman outing because Moulin Rouge! is one of my top five favorite movies of all time. Moulin Rouge! is a vibrant spectacle full of emotion and visual candy. Australia could've been directed by anyone for all of the lack of imagination of costume and scenery. Nicole Kidman and Hugh "Sexy Man" Jackman have negative chemistry. And voiceover is usually a poor choice in any movie, especially when your narrator is a child. On top of all that, the movie is three hours long, but should have been four because all of the emotional resonance was left on the cutting room floor.

Instead, according to my husband, go see Slumdog Millionaire (which I nearly typed as "Slumdong Millionaire. How's that for a porn title?)